It's hard to think that I finished cancer treatment a year and a half ago. I still feel like I'm recovering. I'm still finding my way back to writing and growing energy levels and looking at life after cancer.
There are times I can even forget that I'm still on medication to keep cancer from coming back. Just 8 1/2 years left until I'm not a cancer patient anymore. I'm in remission. I'm cancer free, but I am still a cancer patient. It is still something I am struggling with.
I have my first annual mammogram coming up next month and it is vaguely terrifying. Not like a phobia, but the scary part is that I'll have my test and wait for results. As long as no one calls me in the 48 hours after my test, I'll completely relax. But the vague fear of waiting looms and lurks after I have my appointment.
The relief will be amazing. I'm prepping myself and trying to hand off my dread of waiting to God. It's not an easy thing. It is coming and I will be fine. Even if they find something again, I know the drill of treatment.
There is a huge comfort in knowing that if there is something there, I'm in amazing hands. God has built a medical team around me that is absolutely wonderful. I find more comfort in knowing that if cancer does come back, I know what to expect. The fears of the first time are gone. The not knowing what to expect is not a thing. That is a blessing I take with me from a horrible, scary period in my life.
Whatever you have coming up in front of you that is looming in vague terror, I pray you hand it off to God. I hope you know I'm here if you want to chat.
Through whatever may come, God's got me.
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